Recent decades have seen a dramatic fall in the number of people attending churches throughout the country, which has left the UK with an alarming surplus of vicars.

Britain’s boffins have been stroking their chins trying to come up with a solution for our rapidly increasing vicar-mountain, and they may well have just “sniffed out” a solution.

“When left unoccupied, vicars can end up getting themselves in all sorts of trouble, so it was vital that we find a worthwhile use for them and pronto,” explained Dr Grace Period, professor of vicar-related phenomena at Swansea University.

“We discovered that just as the need for people to be droned on at in church has decreased, there has conversely been a big increase in drug smuggling and looking for people in fallen-down buildings and stuff. So we can use one problem to solve the other. Perfect!”

In practical terms, this means that within the next few months, you can expect to see horn-rimmed glasses-wearing vicars sniffing their way through peoples’ smalls in airports and digging survivors out from under rubble in disaster zones.

“They’ll have to go through some pretty rigorous training first,” said Dr Tinted-Glasses, “and they’ll have to be kept on leads at all times, obviously, but I see no reason why using vicars as sniffer dogs can’t work. I’m amazed no one’s thought of it before, actually.”

Image by Wendy Corniquet from Pixabay

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