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Internet users reacted angrily yesterday to The Internet’s admission that it never really needed us to confirm our email addresses, and if was all just “a bit of a joke” that got out of hand.

Speaking from its luxury home in northern California, The Internet confessed: “That whole confirm your email address thing? That was just me fooling around there for a second. It was just a bit of a joke, y’know, and it kinda snowballed. Before I knew it…POOF! Everyone has to put their email address in twice for some godforsaken reason. My bad, dude.”

Whilst relaxing on an airbed in the middle of its swimming pool built with Russian money, The Internet continued: “I mean, why would I need anyone to put their email address in a second time? It’s ridiculous. Once is clearly enough, y’know.”

So what’s the reaction been like?

“The backlash’s been pretty bad. I’ve had death threats from the usual losers, obvs. I would just ignore them but that would mean switching myself off which wouldn’t go down too well.”

So would you like to issue an apology to everyone whose time you’ve wasted?

“Well, sure. To be honest, I did kinda think right there at the start that maybe I ought to fess up, y’know, but as time went on the harder it got so I ended up keeping schtum. So I’m, like, really sorry and everything. Oh, and about all the misogyny and racism too. Yeah, that.”

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